daddy's red roses
climbing higher than the sky
breathe deeply of love
spy over the fence
other garden overflows
my neighbor, my friend
lounging in fresh grass
she teaches me more than weeds
cultivating love
we are years apart
yet in the garden, best friends
filling the birdbath
let it stand, she said
tired hands cease the weeding
garden overgrown
next visit inside
medicinal smells looming
long for fragrant blooms
last visit too soon
ghostly figure sounds like her
words bloom in the end
my little girl's heart
breaks into million pieces
oak grows from the weeds
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11 comments:
Words blossom in the end...
What a beautiful line. This poem is very much like my own experience of my grandmother's passing. In fact, it's almost exactly like it. Thank you for giving a feeling a shape.
Lovely piece...the emotions are vivid and feel honest and true. I love the last stanza. Interestingly enough, the haibun seems the perfect format for this story.
This is a very moving series. What a treasure your friendhsip, and you do it honor here.
oak grows from the weeds
beautiful tribute.
Such a sad story, but you were lucky to meet such a friend.
What gifts: her friendship, memories and your words. Very moving....
'words bloom in the end' - what a lovely line. I like the way you moved from the blooms in the garden to the blooming of words. The last stanza is heart-wrenching.
A splendid series and very moving. Thank you.
How wonderful to have a friend such as this but always so sad when we lose them. We always carry them in our heart for the love and the friendship they've given us.
Thank you for bringing back some of my own sweet memories.
S
This is the one which stands out to me:
we are years apart
yet in the garden, best friends
filling the birdbath
A wonderful image and feeling to it!
A word of positive critique from an old editor, if I may: I'd love to see it trimmed just a little, as English syllables (5-7-5) and Japanese onji (go-shichi-go) and the languages are so different (and as 'garden' is implied by birdbath); something like (trimming away the bracketed words]:
[we are]years apart
yet[,in the garden] best friends—
filling the birdbath
I hope my suggestions are not offensive. Haiku is sometimes at its best when it can't be added to or subtracted from. If my thoughts offend, please ignore them. Your poem is true, beautiful and moving, just the way you've written it!
- Debi
beautiful :) Thankyou
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